Realcent.org

So its getting close to the end of early admission, which means it is time for me to apply for college. Writing is not my strong suit so any input is appreciated,

Quinn

During the holiday season of 2008, my mom bought me a coin collecting magazine that would change my high school career. An article in the magazine was discussing the value of pennies minted prior to 1982, which at the time was about two cents. This led me to do an internet search which provided me with a market place to sell the coins for about 1.5 cents apiece. Sorting the coins by hand is a slow tedious process; however, I was also able to find a machine for $400 that would sort the coins for me at a rate of 18,000 coins per hour. In Wisconsin, where growth has been slow since 1982, about 30 percent of all pennies are copper. After calculating profit times percentage of coins, I found that I could make 15 percent on my money every time I sorted.

Once I realized that there was money to be made, I invested in two machines to give me the ability to work from home at a rate higher than minimum wage. This decision to take a risk and invest led me to financial independence at the age of 15. The manager at my bank thought that this showed great ingenuity and ordered me as many pennies as I wanted, that is until the armored car company got sick of delivering 750 pounds of pennies a week and shut me down.

Quinn, I believe I still have some of those coppers in the hoard. You may want to run the essay through a grammer checker since that is one of the main things they are going to be looking at. I would expand the story to emphasize the business aspects of the whole endeavor. You learned about online auctions, direct marketing, production, market analysis, cash flow management, customer relationships and negotiations. You can also discuss the logistics of acquaring raw materials, processing and shipping. Then there were the capital requirements for raw materials and capital equipment. I think I even remember some warehousing issues you had where you had too many boxes of pennies stacked up in the living room.

is this a paper you are writing or an email, or what? If when the time comes you need an editor, I would be happy to accept a copy in email form and edit/spellcheck/proof etc. it for you. send it to me on here, and post it public, I will edit it no problem if you need the help. HoardCopperByTheTon makes valid points, expand on what he said for sure. we can always change the wording later.

Sounds like the start of a very interesting essay. At the risk of sounding like a broken record, you may want display your problem solving skills. You certainty faced some setbacks. What were they and how did you overcome them?

Again, good start.

Looking forward to seeing your final essay.

Do you have financial statements? This suggestion may be over the top, but you might want to consider adding them as an appendix if the university would welcome it.

Thanks for all the input, I will make some changes in the morning and repost,


Quinn

During the holiday season of 2008, my mom bought me a coin collecting magazine that would change my high school career. An article in the magazine discussed the value of pennies minted prior to 1982, which at the time was about two cents. This led me to do an internet search, which provided me with a market place to sell the coins for about 1.5 cents apiece. I found that sorting the coins by hand is a slow tedious process; however, I was also able to find a machine for $400 that would sort the coins for me at a rate of 18,000 coins per hour. In Wisconsin, where growth has been slow since 1982, about 30 percent of all pennies are copper. After calculating profit times percentage of coins, I found that I could make 15 percent on my money every time I sorted.
Once I realized that there was money to be made, I invested $700 in two machines to give me the ability to work from home at a rate higher than minimum wage. This decision to take a risk and invest led me to financial independence at the age of 15. Management at my bank thought that this showed great ingenuity and ordered me as many pennies as my car could carry, that is until the armored car company got sick of delivering 750 pounds of pennies a week thus shutting me down. My common cents endeavor, as I call it, taught me more about running a business than I have ever learned inside any classroom. I learned about cash flow management, the production of a product that others want, online auctions, marketing, market analysis, and customer service and price negotiations. The logistics behind cash flow management was initially the most important of all the business aspects I was introduced to, I had to consider time of a check in the mail, time for check to clear account, and when and where to return non-copper cents in order to get capital for my coins the following week.

Yes...yes...yes....sounds all official and stuff. But where are your statements on how much FUN you are having? We all know the business and numbers side. But FUN....where is it. Really, you're only doing this for monetary reasons and not getting any enjoyment out of it? You have no funny stories to add that anyone, not one of us, but anyone would find amusing.

I would think that I'm like everyone else....I like to be entertained while reading. I get bored easily, especially if it's a subject that I have no interest in. I bet there will be ALOT of uninterested people reading that! (not us ) I get tired of trying to explain what I'm doing to uninterested people. Grab their attention. Make them want to read more.

You may just find offers of piggy banks from your readers.

Well.. there was the time one of his early customers (me) received 2 shipments in body bags. One has to consider just how much abuse those packages will take in route from disgruntled postal employees. Fortunately they bagged it before there was much leakage. Those bags are tough.

copperpennies, what was the question/essay prompt you are answering?

Tone down the negative aspect of the delivery service. Keep things positive. Talk about some of the other neat finds that added icing to the cake.

Quinn... you might also want to throw a sentence or two in there about WHY the pennies before 1982 are worth 2 cents..

You don't want to seem like you took the easy way out, either. You need to convey that your hard work, due dilligence, creativity, and relationships you made let you prosper.

Also, I don't know what the question you are answering is... I mean, if this question was how did you get started in your hobby, I think you are right on the money... but if the question is how did high school prepare you for college, you kinda missed the boat.

The prompt asks about a significant life experience. The more unique the better because all of the admission officers see hundreds of football teams stories and stuff.

Good luck!

I didn't read your second passage very thoroughly, but one thing jumped off the page at me (I used to be a writing tutor in college).
"...most important of all the business aspects I was introduced to..."
The grammatical problem here is that you shouldn't end a sentence or a clause with a preposition, "to". It should be "to which I was introduced."

Also (and I didn't see this in yours, but everyone does it. It's becoming more accepted, but is still technically wrong!), watch out for split infinitives, the classic example of which is "to boldly go where no man yadda yadda." The infinitive, "to go" is split bt "boldly". This should be "to go boldly", as the adverb "boldly" modifies the going.

Just a pet peeve of mine! Again, good luck!